I have always believed that love and compassion is the greatest gift you can give someone. I also believe that by helping people I can help change the world, even if it is in a small way. I would love to study Audiology for the reasons above, but also I believe that hearing is a crucial sense, one which can change a person in many ways, not only physically but mentally as well. In the society we live in, hearing is basis for communication. I have personal and direct experience of how difficult life can be if someone has poor hearing as both my grandfather and my father are hard of hearing and therefore need a hearing aid. I understand the problems which face both family and the person involved and how difficult these are. This is where audiologists use state of the art technology but also a humane side to help encourage others to embrace their hearing loss, not disregard it. I used to be a member of Haringey Shed, an inclusive drama group in my local area. Here I learnt not only to develop my skills, but also take part with people of all abilities including those who are hard of hearing. This I thoroughly enjoyed. I also worked with people whose hearing impairment was not their first registered disability. I am looking forward to studying the modern approaches to the human language and interpreting it to understand how this may influence one's hearing.
The subjects I am taking for A level have provided me with suitable experience and skills. I do not only find these subjects enjoyable, but that they are key to audiology. For example, by learning Biology I have learnt advanced studies into different aspects of the world around us, ranging from the human body to the outside world. I have also learnt to examine things in more detail and use the skills I have learnt in other subjects. My studies in Chemistry have been extensive. I enjoyed learning about how the simplest atoms and molecules make up the complex world around us. Also I have learnt to be specific when reading both data and information, often having to analyse it and make key assumptions. Finally by taking Religious Studies, I am not only learning how to write essays on precise information, while constantly improving my technique, but also I am considering and analysing a range of religious and philosophical beliefs. This I believe is making me a better person, and more open to different cultures and religions.
I have impeccable attendance and punctuality. I believe that hard work and dedication are essential in achieving my goals. As well as my studies I am also involved in other aspects of school life. For instance I am a Senior Student Librarian, due to helping in the school library frequently in Year 12. In my work experience I worked with young children in Year 2. I thoroughly enjoyed teaching them and helping them to understand different concepts. It made me well aware of the hard work teachers go through for each individual child and their success, therefore gaining a sense of respect for my tutors. More importantly it gave me a feeling of self-worth and that I can make a small difference to the world.
In my spare time I play the clarinet, piano and saxophone. For the clarinet, I am in the final stages of preparing for Grade 6. My saxophone has helped me find a basis for my love of music and therefore my appreciation for sound. I also read avidly, my favourite book being Tulip Touch by Deborah Moggach. I find it enthralling to be able to leave reality to delve into a book. I am a member of the prestigious National Youth Theatre. I love to act and it has been my passion for many years. By going to university I wish to not only become more mature, but to grow as an individual. I would wholeheartedly accept and take on any educational and social challenges to the best of my ability.
Considering this is an audiology personal statement, it is rather lacking in any references to audiology! The aim of this sort of statement is to demonstrate some understanding of the role of an audiologist and what sorts of skills they need in order to do the job well, and this doesn't seem to have been done at all in this particular statement. There's not enough description of what the applicant learnt from the activities they have done and they don't relate their experiences back to audiology. The applicant doesn't appear to have done any work experience in this area which doesn't help and you don't get a real idea of why the applicant actually wants to study this subject.
The statement is well structured though, with an introduction, a paragraph about A levels, extra-curricular activities and hobbies. The applicant has also attempted to talk about their A levels and why they are important, however, more detail would be useful here.
I have always believed that love and compassion is the greatest gift you can give someone. This is a rather unusual introduction and not one I believe to be a good start to a personal statement as it is rather irrelevant – it is also very cliché and should be avoided. I also believe that by helping people I can help change the world, even if it is in a small way. Changing the world is yet another cliché. I would love to study audiology small letter for audiology for the reasons above, love, compassion and changing the world aren't really sensible reasons to give for wanting to study a subject in my opinion – they don't tell us anything about the applicant except that maybe they are a bit naive but also I believe that hearing is a crucial sense, one which can change a person in many ways, not only physically but mentally as well. the rest of this sentence is pretty good and works well. In the society we live in, hearing is the/a basis for communication. A useful point to make though the phrasing doesn't seem quite right I have personal and direct personal OR direct here, both aren't needed. experience of how difficult life can be if someone has poor hearing as both my grandfather and my father are hard of hearing and therefore need a hearing aid. using personal experiences to show interest can work quite well. 'Hard of hearing' is a rather colloquial term which isn't necessary here. I understand the problems which face both the family and the person involved and how difficult these are. It might have been helpful for the applicant to explain what some of these difficulties are, rather than just commenting that there are problems. This is where audiologists use state of the art technology but also a humane side to help encourage others to embrace their hearing loss, not disregard it. I'm not sure how much this sentence adds – the applicant isn't using it to comment on their own reasons for wanting to do audiology either. I used to be a member of Haringey Shed, an inclusive drama group in my local area. Here I learnt not only to develop my skills, but also take part with people of all abilities including those who are hard of hearing. This I thoroughly enjoyed. I also worked with people whose hearing impairment was not their first registered disability. This bit doesn't work very well in the introduction and would be better in a separate paragraph about experiences. I am looking forward to studying the modern approaches to the human language and interpreting it to understand how this may influence one's hearing. In this introduction, I haven't really got a good idea of the applicant's motivation to study audiology or that they completely understand what audiologists do. Some of the sentences are a bit short and don't flow very well together.
The subjects I am taking for A level have provided me with suitable experience and skills. This sentence is an 'introductory sentence' that isn't really necessary – the applicant should ideally talk about what experience and skills they've gained from the subject rather than just stating it here. I find these subjects enjoyable and think that they are key for audiology. This sentence was a bit jumbled For example, By learning biology I have learnt advanced studies into different aspects of the world around us, ranging from the human body to the outside world. Advanced studies is very vague and doesn't make much sense here. The applicant could have talked about a particular aspect they particularly enjoyed (or is particularly relevant to audiology) here instead. I have also learnt to examine things in more detail and use the skills I have learnt in other subjects. The applicant needs to explain which skills they learnt and why they might be useful for audiology. My studies in chemistry have been extensive really? A level chemistry wouldn't usually be described in this way and the applicant would have been better off using a different word here I think.. I enjoyed learning about how the simplest atoms and molecules make up the complex world around us. The applicant needs to explain why they enjoy learning these things. Also I have learnt to be specific when reading both data and information, often having to analyse it and make key assumptions. Again, the applicant needs to talk about why these skills might be useful for audiology. Finally by taking religious studies, I am not only learning how to write essays on precise information, while constantly improving my technique, but also I am considering and analysing a range of religious and philosophical beliefs. This , I believe , is making me a better person, and more open to different cultures and religions. Same comment again, the applicant needs to relate this to audiology. Some of it doesn't seem to be too relevant.
I have impeccable attendance and punctuality. This is something that the referee should talk about and shouldn't be mentioned in the personal statement. I believe that hard work and dedication are essential in achieving my goals. Again, this sentence isn't really necessary – it's a bit of common sense really. As well as my studies I am also involved in other aspects of school life. For instance I am a senior student librarian, due to helping in the school library frequently in year 12 twelve. There's no point just saying these sorts of things in a statement – the applicant needs to talk about what their role involves, what they've learnt from it and any skills they have gained that might be useful for the course they are applying for. In my work experience I worked with young children in year 2 two. Again, the applicant needs to explain their role, responsibilities, what they learnt etc. I thoroughly enjoyed teaching them and helping them to understand different concepts. It made me well aware of the hard work teachers go through for each individual child and their success, therefore gaining a sense of respect for my tutors. All of this makes it sound like the applicant is applying for teaching as they haven't related anything to audiology. More importantly it gave me a feeling of self-worth and that I can make a small difference to the world. The applicant needs to explain why these things are important to them.
In my spare time I play the clarinet, piano and saxophone. For the clarinet, I am in the final stages of preparing for Grade 6. My saxophone has helped me find a basis for my love of music and therefore my appreciation for sound. These sentences don't flow very well, and need relating back to audiology again, in a slightly more explicit way than has currently been done. I also read avidly, my favourite book being "Tulip Touch" by Deborah Moggach. I find it enthralling to be able to leave reality to delve into a book. This is rather a flowery sentence that doesn't tell you anything about the applicant. I am a member of the prestigious National Youth Theatre. I love to act and it has been my passion for many years. Passion is a word that should be avoided wherever possible as it is hugely overused in personal statements. By going to university I wish to not only become more mature, but to grow as an individual. I would wholeheartedly accept and take on any educational and social challenges to the best of my ability. As a conclusion, this is a bit lacking – it's very generic and tells you nothing in particular about the applicant.
--Hygeia 19:23, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
Article by neb789 on Tuesday 20 December 2016